coping, grief, life, photography

Cocoons…

2014 turned out to be a not so great year.  I see my ‘on this day’ announcements on Facebook, of things I posted early in the year, and I can feel how much I took for granted that life was just going to go merrily on it’s way.  There had never been many bumps in the road and I took for granted that my path would always be clear.  Then my husband and mother died six days apart.  There was a whirlwind of necessary activity for several weeks, but eventually I was home alone.  Even the dogs were gone.  With my son since he’d taken them to help when my husband was suddenly ill.  So there were no disruptions to the quiet I seemed to require.  I couldn’t stand the TV, or music, just quiet.  And no news, especially no news.  The news was all my husband ever watched, a relentless recitation of (always bad) news filling the air every day.  Now the quiet was almost a tangible presence.  It felt good.

Eventually the dogs came back, the TV came on, but not the news.  The outside world has never made it back into my days.  I thought that immersing myself in taking pictures of what I see out on the lake every day was just a hobby, an enjoyable activity.  I didn’t realize that I’ve used it to pull the covers over my head and shut out the world.  I’ve created a cocoon for myself, and even though I see it now I will push away the temptation to feel guilty about it.  I hear the birds outside, I see the sunrises and sunsets, and the days pass…

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