coping, grief, life, photography

Cocoons…

2014 turned out to be a not so great year.  I see my ‘on this day’ announcements on Facebook, of things I posted early in the year, and I can feel how much I took for granted that life was just going to go merrily on it’s way.  There had never been many bumps in the road and I took for granted that my path would always be clear.  Then my husband and mother died six days apart.  There was a whirlwind of necessary activity for several weeks, but eventually I was home alone.  Even the dogs were gone.  With my son since he’d taken them to help when my husband was suddenly ill.  So there were no disruptions to the quiet I seemed to require.  I couldn’t stand the TV, or music, just quiet.  And no news, especially no news.  The news was all my husband ever watched, a relentless recitation of (always bad) news filling the air every day.  Now the quiet was almost a tangible presence.  It felt good.

Eventually the dogs came back, the TV came on, but not the news.  The outside world has never made it back into my days.  I thought that immersing myself in taking pictures of what I see out on the lake every day was just a hobby, an enjoyable activity.  I didn’t realize that I’ve used it to pull the covers over my head and shut out the world.  I’ve created a cocoon for myself, and even though I see it now I will push away the temptation to feel guilty about it.  I hear the birds outside, I see the sunrises and sunsets, and the days pass…

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5 thoughts on “Cocoons…”

  1. About a month after, Sue’s cousin, my brother, passed away. He was diagnosed with advanced cancer only 4 months before, he was 56 years old. Sue, the amazing woman that she is, called me and shared a most beautiful and inspiring sermon she had heard. The story she shared with me was key to my own grief journey. Her words of comfort and condolence were all the more poignant given her own recent losses. She has an amazing positive outlook and generous spirit. I love her not only because she is family, but because she is a true friend. ps. I’ve been bugging her to write a blog for years, now.

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    1. For a second there I thought you were talking about some other Sue! If I helped I’m happy about that. I’m just getting through life one day at a time. When you choose to see all the beauty and good in life it’s not hard to face the days. Besides, they begin and end with the sunrise and sunset, all the better! And where the heck did this font come from.

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  2. I don’t know if you should feel guilty about it. To me, I feel it is necessary – but even moreso these days. I don’t watch the news but I yell at myself every time I read the news on my phone. Everything going on is liable to depress people. There is a lot of beauty out there and I seriously look forward to what you share. I have never been to Florida, so it would be an eye opening experience.

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