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Couples…

This subject has been on my mind for a while now.  But when I think about it my mind can take that starting point and go in very different directions.  It’s not that I was kidding myself when I told myself how happy, well, maybe not happy, but contented I was to be on my own.  No expectations of another person’s to meet, or fail to meet.  No witnesses when I don’t bother to do my ‘chores’ and just head out the door on a whim.  No, what I didn’t realize was that that feeling of contentedness wouldn’t last.  Something is missing.  And I get frustrated with couples as I observe them, most of the time without them ever realizing that they are being observed.  Husbands commonly come into the bakery where I work and profess to be ‘just looking’, generally because ‘the boss’ says he can’t have whatever it is he is drooling over.  How sad is that, at least as taken at face value?  The wife always seems to be the spoiler, the stifler of all the fun.  I don’t think I was that to Charley, not necessarily because I didn’t express an opinion, but more because he just did what he wanted to do, period.  But I get frustrated when I sense that they, these anonymous couples, don’t appear to understand how fragile it all is.  It can all be gone before you ever realize what’s coming.  I have a game I play in church, trying to decide whether the man and woman sitting next to each other is a couple or not.  It’s a surprise sometimes, to see a couple who have been sitting apart from each other, as you would with a stranger, and then as they are leaving they speak to each other and you know that they are together.  How sad.  But most of the time they are sitting close, arms touching, and I that’s what I miss.  Once in a while Charley would go to church with me, and when he did he’d make a production out of getting ready, annoyingly so, but he’d be dressed up and he’d always smell great.  And sometimes I’d sneak my arm under his as we sat there, and I’d take his hand.  Taking someone’s hand, someone you belong with, I miss that…4-8ocean2