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Having no plan…

Yes, I have abandoned the blog.  I thought I was spinning my wheels trying to always think of something to talk about, and obcessively getting out for photos. That somehow creating a blog post every day was keeping me from something else I might be doing.  Something more creative/fun/exciting, except that hasn’t proven to be the case.  All I can say is that on the cusp of four years after losing my husband I have effectively lost it, and I have no idea in this world what to do about it.  I was homesick, I thought that was it.  And despite connecting with more people from my past than I ever would have imagined a year ago, I’m still homesick.  Or maybe it’s because of all those connections, which I treasure.  I’m here and everyone I love is ‘up there’.  

When it came to closing down the blog I had choices.  I could delete it, sending it to oblivion.  Or I could unpublish it, which meant it’s still there in case I decided to write some more.  And in the meantime I’ve gotten messages telling me of new followers, joining without knowing that there is nothing to follow.  I feel guilty about that.

So I have no words of wisdom and nothing much else to say at this point, but an explanation seemed in order.  I’m going to make an actual physical list of all the reasons that I should be grateful to be here, now, and let it go at that.  A wise person told me that the secret is to not make a plan, because then your life is always going according to plan.  This is me, operating without a plan…