I have a lot of time to think these days. Here in the camper with the sounds of the birds outside, even at 4 AM. And something, pine cones maybe, falling on the roof with a surprising thunk. And my coffee, brewed outside on the little shelf which has a convenient plug right next to it. Features of this pop up that I’m just now noticing.
I’m thinking about how homesick I got last year. How much I longed to be back home. I wanted to see the familiar places where I had expected to live my life back then. And I wanted to ‘find myself’ again. I thought back to the little kid that I think I was, confident and sure of herself, and wondered how I lost her when I let myself fear that I wasn’t good enough as I was. A familiar theme for all of us I suspect, as we grow older and judge ourselves through the prism of those junior high and high school insecurities. Everyone else had all the answers, I thought. Little did I know then that I wasn’t alone.
I thought though, that the homesickness was a longing for the lost places of my youth. But what I have discovered, now that I’ve turned my life upside-down and become a snowbird, traveling the roads that I longed to travel, is an amazing appreciation for the people I left behind. Just because I decided that at this moment in time I was yearning for something doesn’t mean that it was the perfect timing for me to turn up on everyone’s doorstep. And yet here I am, and I’ve been embraced at every turn. They were as busy living their lives as I was living mine I guess, so maybe they didn’t miss me, but we are all older now and reconnecting to the past seems to be a welcome thing to do. And maybe I did have a touch of the spunk I thought I’d lost. After all, I did take off for parts unknown way back then. I haven’t considered that it took a certain amount of spunk to do that. Or naivety. And, all things considered, I really wouldn’t change anything about my life. It’s just this amazing feeling of coming full circle that I truly love. I’m so blessed in all ways to be enjoying this adventure. I wonder where it’s heading…
1 thought on “Thinking it over…”
So glad to be a part of your journey and at this time able to offer you “Camp Cowie” to park your new home for a while. At least until you’re next adventure. You’re welcome to return again whenever you wish. I am looking forward to many posts wherever you travel.
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