March 8, 2020 – A Snowbird's Life Through the Lens

Lately I’ve been thinking about time, and how I’ve noticed the passing of time by different milestones over the years. The first one that comes to mind was when we had vaccinations in school, I think in the third grade. I remember telling myself that at least I didn’t have to have another one for three or four more years, I can’t remember which, but I told myself that it was okay because it was SUCH a long time away that the time would never pass. That day would never come. But of course it did. And then there was the anticipation of being 16 and getting my drivers license. By that time I did expect that the time really would pass, and the day would really come. But really I hadn’t developed much more maturity because when it came to thinking about high school graduation I couldn’t imagine life after high school, so I wondered if it was a premonition that I would die young and wouldn’t have to face life after high school. Fortunately I’m not psychic and that didn’t happen.

I think it was a quilted growth chart we saw at a recent quilt show that sent my mind down this path. It was cute, the sort of thing you hang in a child’s room and note how much taller they are getting. I never had one of those for my kids, but I remember being amused to realize that I could ‘see’ my son’s growth by how he no longer needed to stand on a stool to pee. What an effective growth chart that was, while it lasted, until I was no longer needed in the bathroom.

I was 24 years old before I was legally old enough to vote, and I’m not sure I was ready before that age. I anticipated my first opportunity to vote for President, voting for McGovern while living in CA but standing in solidarity with my home state of MA, and not much of anybody else.

I wished a lot of my life away in those young years. Wishing the months away until the births of my kids, or my husband getting out of the Navy, and trying, and failing, to move back to New England. I think I always had the feeling that life would be perfect if only the time would pass for these milestones to be reached.

Even now I’m not sure that I really appreciate each day that arrives with the sunrise every morning. There are no more personal milestones to reach, that’s what grandchildren are for. My own birthdays aren’t exactly a cause for celebration these days. Now-a-days I’m marking time by refilling my weekly pill dispenser every five minutes, or so it seems. All the wishing time away in my youth may have caught up with me, finally, in these senior years. I’m marking time one relentless week at a time, which I find annoying, but I suppose I should remind myself to be grateful each time I fill that darned thing back up. One of these days it won’t be needed anymore, but for now please excuse me, because that’s exactly what I need to do next, or I’ll forget to take my medicine…