a second look, coping, courage, friends, go with the flow, home, life, life goes on, loneliness, moments, on closer examination, perseverance, photography, simple things

Striking a balance…

So yes, I am alone most of the time as I’ve said.  And yes, I don’t mind it, most of the time at least.  But today my mind was on how much more fun it was when life was two by two.  Like this…3-28twobirds3-28toucan3-28lovebirds03-31-20twobytwodonkeys03-31-20twobytwocolts203-31-20twobytwocolts103-31-20twobytwohens

Maybe not so much like this though…03-31-20twobytwocoyotes

There’s nothing to do but get through each day the best we can.  As for me, I’ll think about where I want to go when we are all turned loose again….

'scene' along the way, birds, coping, courage, Cranes, finding my way, Florida wildlife, life goes on, live and learn, neccessities, perseverance, photography, reality check, unintended images

Staying home…

Even a non-news person couldn’t help but know about the coronavirus and the massive impact it’s causing around the world.  Yesterday was the day I realized that being able to get out and camp this summer might be out of the question.  This thought came to me over coffee, early in the morning.  But all day long the news kept finding me, online and on TV, and it was a no brainer by the end of the day.  And the closings just kept on coming this morning.  Life as we know it is on hold.  I’m lucky that I don’t think it will effect me financially, but even I can see what a blow to the economy this will be.  So, silly me, it will effect me one way or another.  Looks like I’ll be staying home a lot more, and probably posting a lot less.  For the moment at least.

But staying home doesn’t include avoiding the laundromat.  (I read the coronanvirus germ can’t survive the washing machine, though maybe I ought to wash in hot instead of cold).  As I pulled into my driveway I again had a big bird waiting to say hello.  Two of them I soon realized.  And this morning I heard that the Sandhill cranes in my former back yard are building a nest again.  I will look forward to visiting soon.  But this was a first here in my park, though I heard them the last couple of days.  Once you’ve heard them you’ll never forget it.  I had assumed that they were just flying over, now I’ll have to look for them if I hear them again.  I hope I do…03-13-20sandhillclose303-13-20sandhillclose03-13-20sandhillclose2

While I’ve been writing this I got a voicemail to inform me that the pool and hot tub in our park are closed until further notice.  I was just there yesterday, it was great, I’m a tiny bit sunburned.  While we were in the hot tub we were talking about all the closings.  Grandchildren were cancelling plans to visit, and someone’s granddaughter was supposed to be doing a semester at sea, but the boat had taken them back to Capetown, South Africa and they were to fly home from there.  Maybe I’m glad to be home, for now…

a second look, changing times, childhood, connections, coping, courage, death, faith, family, finding my way, friends, grief, growing old, healing, home, memories, perseverance, photography

Connections…

An uncle came to stay with me once, I’m not even going to try to think of how long ago that was.  He was an academic all his life, a college guidance department head, which is probably why he phrased it as wanting to see my ‘nest’.  That that thought came to mind seems like a natural progression during this nesting season here in Florida, when birds are on my mind a lot of the time.  And somehow that phrase further brought to mind something my closest friend’s husband said to me once after visiting with them.  While I had always felt the closeness between this friend and myself, communication was not so easy in the days when we both had little kids, businesses to run, and lived 3000 miles apart.  So I invited myself to visit them after many years, and when he drove me to the airport to leave he said that we were ‘two peas in a pod’, and that it was a crying shame that we hadn’t been able to be part of each other’s daily lives all along.  On my way to see them on that visit I had said to myself that knowing myself I ought to be nervous, after all I was going to see people that I honestly didn’t know, but I wasn’t at all worried.  And from that first moment that I stepped back into my friend’s life, and home, I felt completely at ease.  More than that though, I felt like myself.  My true self, the ‘real’ me.  Silly, huh?  Who’s life was I leading all those years, living all over the country and raising my kids with only occasional visits to the place I continued to think of as home?  Those were happy years that I treasure, but there was a little part of me that felt alone.  No, apart.  Disconnected.  But not any more, not since I’ve made connections to the past, connections that are mine alone.  Little children that we once were, and who have lived such different lives, are now knowing and cherishing each other in this last part of life.  How we got here hardly matters, it’s just so wonderful to be here.

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coping, courage, death, faith, family, finding my way, friends, grief, healing, life, life goes on, loneliness, marriage, memories, perseverance, photography, sunrise

Time…

It was a gloomy morning, which matched my gloomy mood.  Today we were saying goodbye to yet another friend.  Yet again I would see a dear friend taking her first steps down the slippery slope of widowhood.  I’m five years in at this point, and I now know just how long this process is, this adjusting to life on your own.  At first I found myself astounded that a week had passed, then two weeks, and then a month.  Time, it seemed was relentless.  Impossible as it seemed the days kept passing, and it all became a blur.  Something I recently heard on TV struck me, it made me look online for a quote so I could repeat it correctly.

 

Time is free, but it’s priceless.

You can’t own it, but you can use it.

You can spend it, but you can’t keep it.

Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.

by Harvey MacKay

A silly poem from a friend warmed my heart and brightened this gloomy day for me.  I hope everyone takes time to let the people they care about know that they are loved.  Don’t waste your time, it’s precious…

a second look, coping, family, finding my way, growing old, life goes on, perseverance, photography, reality check, sunset, the big picture

Thoughts of winter…

Something caught my eye and I looked up to see a brilliant sunset going on just outside the window.  It caught me by surprise, it seemed too early in the day for the sunset, I thought, and yet there it was.  And as quickly as I noticed and hurried to take a picture, it was gone.  Used up, faded, and forgotten, aside from photos.

Much as I found myself feeling during my recent visit with my daughter and grandchildren.  Oh it was an enjoyable time, there were no problems.  Almost anyhow.  All was fun and games the whole visit, until I happened to glance into a mirror and found my mother looking back at me.  I never think of my age, I pretty much feel as good as ever so it hasn’t demanded attention.  But there it was.  Undeniable.  I’m old. I’m as my mother was during the last years she visited with us.  I remember how distant it felt to me to notice the signs of aging etching themselves into my mother’s face.  I saw that it was happening to her, but somehow I never considered that I would also age in the same way.  There is a lot of life written on my face, now that I look at it.  I earned the wrinkles and the gray hair.  So while I notice the changes in myself, I will try to remember that each sunset seems to reach it’s most glorious just as it slips below the horizon.  It’s a good thought, it’s a reason to keep going.  So yes I’m old, but my light is still burning, and I don’t think it’s even close to burning itself out, not yet…12-06wintersunset

'scene' along the way, a second look, coping, finding my way, friends, life goes on, live and learn, loneliness, making memories, nature, perseverance, photography, safety Harbor, sunrise

Time and place…

I see photos of Safety Harbor sunrises nearly every morning.  There are photographer friends who live in the area and this is the scene that greets them every morning.  And they are universally lovely scenes, day after day.  So when a photo op in safety Harbor presented itself I thought it was a no brainer to leave early and catch the sunrise.  It was not the spectacular sunrise I’d hoped for, but it was nice to be out.  And soon I’ll have to leave an hour earlier for sunrises if I want to see them, we’ll fall back soon.  When I was young I thought that someday when I was old time would pass more slowly.  I’d be less busy.  And now I am old and less busy, at least my busyness is self inflicted, but I can still only do one thing at a time.  And as much as I wish I could be in two places at once I can’t manage that either.   My ex-husband once told me I’d never be satisfied.  I don’t know if it was an observation or a curse, but he may have been right…

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