coping, finding my way, healing, life goes on, loneliness, memories, moments, photography, sky, sunrise, the big picture

Finding my way…

I was sitting in the dark and quiet, minding my own business, when a photo of the Super Moon came across my Facebook page.  It triggered a memory of the very first time I went to Hammond’s Creek Bridge for a sunrise, and the moon was also present in my sunrise shot that day.  I thought it really made the shot.  That thought sent me leaping out of the recliner to hurry and get dressed and get to the bridge in case the Super Moon would be in the sunrise shot again.  I only had a half hour until sunrise…

As I drove I could see the moon directly in front of me, when the fog thinned enough to see it at all, and already I knew it wasn’t going to be in the sunrise photo, but I kept going.  As has happened quite a few times already, the reflection of the sunrise was as pretty as the actual sunrise, so all was not lost.  It was worth the hurried trip out of the house.  The moon is in this shot, but you have to look for it.

124reflectedsunrisewithmoon

I’ve been a little melancholy that I do everything by myself these days, and on the way home I imagined myself trying to get Charley to leap up and head out the door to go with me.  It would never have happened.  Charley used to do his full grooming routine, including ‘skunk piss’, before he would leave the house, including to head to the Y and work out on the machines.  I argued with him about that, because on the way home he would stop at my store when I was working, to shop or to just say hello, and he was always absolutely drenched in sweat, looking like a dirt ball.  Thankfully that was good skunk piss because he still aways smelled good.  Heaven forbid that he show up at the Y not looking his best, maybe it was because of the ‘exercise divas’, as his trainer friends called them.  But no, I shouldn’t lament that I have to head out the door alone to take pictures, because most likely if I didn’t head out when the thought struck I probably wouldn’t head out at all.

Besides, because of that I never know where I’ll be in the next five minutes, it’s a bit of an adventure.  As long as I keep finding my way home again it’ll be okay…

124moonshot

 

SaveSave

SaveSave

coping, dogs, life goes on, loneliness, memories, old dogs new tricks, photography, technology

Significant others…

As the significant male in my life Ozzie leaves a bit to be desired. Oh, he’s attentive enough, and gazes into my eyes adoringly. He can’t seem to resist me when I’m sitting back in the recliner. That’s when he comes over and plops his head down onto my chest… and grinds his chin into me as if he is scratching an itch. Thank goodness that’s all he does these days, because he used to come flying out of the bedroom where he’d been sleeping on the bed, and head straight for me at full speed. 20367_308243312136_1003066_n
I had only a second or two to put down my coffee and put the laptop on the table beside me before he would launch himself into my lap. The bigger he got the less cute this became, especially once he grew enough to seemingly be all elbows. Charley thought it was funny, and wondered why Ozzie didn’t do the same to him. I wished he would have, but no, he only did that to me.
Maybe if he didn’t choose to pester me when I’m actually typing an email or blog post, or when I’m in the middle of placing an online order or paying a bill, I might not mind so much. But it feels like nagging, and for the longest time I told myself that it was nice to do what I want to do all the time. All day every day.  No adapting myself to another person’s needs or wants.  Except for the dogs, but I can tell them to go lay down and they do.  Now all day every day can seem like too much time to fill. Too much solitude, maybe that’s why I’m out for the sunset every night. My version of prowling the streets at night looking for… what exactly? I have no clue, but something is missing.
At my recent doctor’s appointment, at which I was a rock star with my weight loss and fabulous A1C reading, I told him that I’m having trouble finding my way back to my ‘happy place’. He said, “That’s my story, how about you?” Really?  Another comment about online dating? I objected, and even he had to chuckle over ‘Hot Photonut’, but he said that he personally knows lots of lonely men. I told him to pick a couple of healthy specimens and send them my way. He replied that HIPAA would probably object…

1128Ozzie

SaveSave

blessings, coping, courage, eavesdropping, faith, family, healing, home, memories, photography, Pine Island, sunset

Connections…

Low tide let me down.  I was sure that low tide was always going to be the secret to a great sunset with lots of photo ops.  But not tonight.  All the sea gulls were too far out at the water’s edge to photograph, and no cute families playing either.  But the sunset itself was pretty…

1113sunset2

And an interesting conversation between some women who were sitting in beach chairs behind me.  Turns out they are sisters, but they only found each other last year.  One had come from California to visit the other one who lives here in Florida.  In the year since they have found each other they each have found new family members they didn’t know, or at the very least had never met.  They had the same father but different mothers, and didn’t grow up together, but they had similar mannerisms and sounded alike.  They were so happy to be in each other’s lives, it was heartwarming to listen to.  But probably still rude to eavesdropping.

My mother had eight siblings, and after the war they scattered to the four winds.  I had met all of them here and there when I was very young, so we weren’t lost to each other.  But in moving to Florida, and choosing the Nature Coast because of the proximity to my son when he lived here, I discovered family.  It seems that my mother’s sisters who had moved to Florida were right in this area.  Along with a cousin and his extended family, plus two more of the siblings who spend winters here.  For many reasons I have felt as if I was ‘supposed’ to land here at this stage of life.  Finding family here was an unexpected surprise, and another reason to feel as if being here was meant to be…

 

 

coping, death, grief, healing, life, life goes on, memories, moments, photography, the easy way out

It’s about time…

I could have left well enough alone. Or done what I’ve done twice a year for the three years that Charley has resided in his urn. Which is a very nice clock. Of all the urns on the shelf from which to choose this was the one and only one I thought would do for him. And it has proven to be a good choice. It has given him a voice, sort of. It chimes at the perfect moments in conversations, or occasionally when I first walk in the door, so that the excited dogs and chiming urn make me feel welcomed.
I have no idea why I didn’t just do what I’ve always done, even though it’s a pain in the neck, and just roll the clock ahead one hour at a time, 23 times, to adjust for Daylight Savings time. You aren’t supposed to roll it backwards you see, and I always take cautions like that seriously. And since it only chimes from 6 AM until 10 PM you have to consider the entire 24 hours. No, my genius idea was to take the batteries out while I went to the Y to swim. When I put them back in a couple of hours later I figured I’d only have to adjust it ahead an hour and change. Ha! It went to 6 o’clock for some reason, and seems to want to chime two hours off of what the hands of the clock say.
So I need to find the little manual that came with the urn, which I’ve seen not too awfully long ago. Somewhere. Or, perhaps, I’ll just take the batteries out again and set the clock for 6 o’clock and put them back in. Maybe it will be right, or maybe it will be 12 hours off. Or maybe I’ll just forget about it and let Charley do his thing. He always did have to have things his way, eventually I learned that it was easier to just go along with him…

fullsizeoutput_216f

 

coping, death, faith, fun, grief, life, life goes on, live and learn, moments, on closer examination, photography, Pine Island, sunset, the big picture

Lost opportunities…

It used to be that when I sat in this recliner in the dark and quiet of the morning, with a nice hot cup of coffee at my side, I’d just think.  About anything.  I probably couldn’t even tell you what I had been thinking about five minutes after the thoughts passed through my mind.  It was important time to me since so often there is no time to think during a busy day.  Not anymore.  Now I go through the hundreds of photos I took the day before to see what I can do with them.  Hopefully I have a few good ones, and some days, like today, I kick myself for the lost opportunities from the day before.  Like going to Pine Island for the sunset and finding tightrope walkers doing their thing.  That was fun to watch, but why do I think I have to take photos on the sly?  Think of the photos I might have gotten if I’d have asked permission, and my guess is that they wouldn’t have objected since they set up their ‘rope’, actually a very heavy rubber band sort of thing, in public.  I think I ought to make myself an ID sort of badge to wear and pretend I want to interview people for publication.  Do they really need to know it’s just little old me in my recliner?1030tightrope11030tightrope2Now these people didn’t need me to intrude on them, although they may have liked to tell their story.  Almost as soon as I saw them with the balloons I knew that they were going to let them go as a memorial to someone.  An environmentalist probably would object since those balloons are going to wind up somewhere in nature, but I understand the sentiment involved.  Soon enough they gathered at the water’s edge and let them go, which is when I noticed that they had a card or note attached.  Sad for them, but I hope it gave them some comfort to do that.1030memorial1030balloonsliftoffActually the term ‘lost opportunity’ comes from work.  One of the bakers told me that when you haven’t produced the products fast enough, either gotten them baked or gotten them packaged and out onto the sales floor, that’s lost opportunity because most people won’t want to bother you to ask for what they are looking for.  I’m not sure that I’ve ever thought of that term before he mentioned it, but I can sure think of some lost opportunities in my life that I wish I’d recognized when they were happening and then I  might have changed the outcome.  Sigh…

coping, life, life goes on, marriage, memories, moments, on closer examination, photography

Second thoughts…

This is our wedding picture from April 13, 1980. We were so young, even though we were both over 30 at the time, which doesn’t sound so young but it sure looks it to me now.

There are several ways this could go from here but I guess I should choose just one. This was a second marriage for me, first for Charley. I quickly discovered that it’s not a matter of problems in your first marriage and no problems in a second marriage. It was more like which problems would you rather deal with? And what was life like in between the bumps in the road? And I have to say that life was more fun the second time around. Not all the time, but enough of the time.

I miss having fun. Or maybe I miss having fun with another person. I didn’t expect to feel this way because I was convinced that being on my own, which was a novel idea to start with, was always going to be enough. Perfect even. Now I especially notice older couples shopping at the grocery store where I work, with their heads together as they choose a treat from the bakery. I tend to want to think that they are going to enjoy that treat together, but on the other hand they might be stressing over stretching their budget to afford that treat. Husbands commonly comment, as they buy a donut, “My wife would kill me if she knew I bought this”. I tell them that what happens in the bakery stays in the bakery.

 

It seems like the wife is always the one playing the role of the spoil sport. I wonder if I was like that, I can’t remember. I was leaving work when one older couple that I had noticed as they shopped, brought out their small bag of groceries and were climbing onto a three-wheeled motorcycle and drove off. Looked like fun… for them, not me, motorcycles would constitute more of a worst nightmare for me. But the unexpected.

So as I was leaving Pine Island not long ago Delilah was on the radio. She asked for a caller’s story and the woman described her husband as the love of her life. She sounded older to me, and she said that they had met online, which is a cringe-worthy thought to me. But it made me think. Then the church bulletin was sitting on my table and what jumped out at me was an ad for catholicmatch.com.  But when when I saw a pop up on my Facebook page for Senior Singles I had to wonder if someone was sending me a message, so I clicked on it. Naturally you had to create a user name and password to enter the site, so I pondered that for a couple of minutes, and put in the user name Photonut. Evidently that wasn’t going to work for them because they came back with suggestions for me, three of them, HotPhotonut, WildPhotonut, and Photonut Fun. Um, okay no, I don’t think so…