'scene' along the way, connections, coping, death, finding my way, grief, healing, life goes on, marriage, memories, perseverance, photography, sunrise

Questions without answers…

I honestly don’t know what Charley would have thought of my current camera obsession.  That I’m alone now is probably an advantage since I can hop out of my chair and into the car for sunrise photos at the spur of the moment.  He wouldn’t go anywhere until he was showered and dressed, and he always smelled heavenly.  Skunk-piss he called it, and I still have some and take a whiff now and again.  When the time has gotten away from me I’ve been known throw on the clothes from the day before and head out, and I don’t know that I even comb my hair when that happens.  It’s a factor of leaving the house in the dark when no one can see you, and then it’s light out and you head for home and want to hide.  With a little more preparation I’ve been known to stop at Panera for an accessory cup of coffee and a treat.  Yesterday after this shoot I got a cinnamon crunch bagel, which I had forgotten even existed.  I didn’t need the reminder.

So, it’s a toss up really.  Charley might have been annoyed with me over my endless photo shoots, or he quite possibly would have bought himself a better camera than mine and it might have been a competition.  It could have been fun, but I guess I’ll never know…03-24-19sunrise103-24-19sunrise203-24-19sunrise303-24-19sunrise403-24-19sunrise503-24-19sunrisefeature

birds, connections, coping, Florida wildlife, life, life goes on, nature, nesting, perseverance, photography, unintended images

Birds do it…

I’ve been watching all my TV on the internet since I’ve been back in FL, and it’s been educational to say the least.  What has struck me is that no matter how innocuous the title of the show you decide to watch is, like “Love”, it seems to me to have nothing to do with ‘love’ at all.  It must be my age, or it’s the man-woman thing.  Charley had a serious lament in his last years.  As he put it, he was waiting for the day that the supermodels would pull up out front and say, “You, Fat Boy, into the limo!”  He tried to make a joke out of it, but after I heard it enough times I realized that he was serious.  He really did feel like he missed out on something.  And he never responded to any of my retorts.  Like, “Sam Elliot hasn’t pulled up out front looking for me either”, or “have you looked in the mirror lately”, or “so this is something that has happened to everyone you know and you’re the only one it hasn’t happened to?”  I gave up after a while and told him that if the supermodels ever show up out there then just go for it. Youth and beauty are fleeting things, but having a connection to someone, someone to talk with at the end of the day, that’s what really matters.

I took friends to the rookery yesterday and of all the shots I took these are the ones that stood out.  First of all I was paying attention to the wood storks especially, because their babies are so darned funny looking.  Last year all you saw were wood stork chicks, but so far I haven’t gotten a good shot of one this year.  But even if I hadn’t been paying attention to wood storks in particular these would have caught my eye because they were the only action going on out there, and their nest was in the perfect light.  These birds have to be a great example of ‘there is someone for everyone’,  Or maybe they just watch too much Netflix…03-22-19birdbrains03-22-19birdbrains203-22-19birdbrains303-22-19birdbrains503-22-19birdbrains6

And life goes on…03-22-19birdbrains4

'scene' along the way, birds, coping, life goes on, memories, nature, on closer examination, perseverance, photography, road trip, sunrise, travel, unintended images

Sea Street Beach…

I somehow got it into my head that sunrise was at 6:50 yesterday, so I wasn’t rushing as I drove to Sea Street Beach.  It was obvious that the sky was full of color as I drove, but I still wasn’t thinking.  It was the first morning without Ozzie, it wasn’t a normal morning at all.  And I had been up at 3 AM, even that is a little earlier than my normal early rising.  And I had had the thought that I wouldn’t have to rush for the sunrise, but I lost some time writing and thinking of Ozzie.  So for whatever reason when I arrived this is what I found02-14-19valentine202-14-19valentine402-14-19valentine302-14-19valentine sun02-14-19valentinefeature02-14-19valentinesignI think that the shape standing on the closest rocks might be trash cans.  I told myself I’d lop them out of the photo in editing.  But when I saw the photos I saw them as a heart shape, and it was Valentines Day after all, so I left it as is.  Funny how Mother Nature can perform for you even when you aren’t exactly on top of things.  But later on I got my first ever phone call from Cupid, and the day got a little brighter after that.

blessings, coping, death, dogs, finding my way, life goes on, perseverance, photography, road trip

Facing facts…

When I was still in Florida and anticipating all the fun things I’d take pictures of when I headed north, snowy landscapes were tops on the list.  Snowier and more majestic in my mind than this is, but this is the most snow I’ve seen in years so I can’t really complain.

And when I was still in Florida I was worried about Ozzie.  He had been having elderly dog issues for a while, and when I heard that he was the last of his litter still alive I knew that his days were numbered.  But what you know in your head doesn’t always mean that your heart is ready to face facts.  He was the perfect dog to help me with all the changes in my life in the last few years.  Loveably there, but undemanding.  I really wasn’t alone, there was someone to take care of, two someones really with Zoe, but we lost her in April.  In a sense they reeled me in.  I could enjoy imagining myself having all sorts of adventures, going places, doing things, and I’d tell myself that it would be so wonderful, but I need to be home for the dogs.  And before that it was the husband, the kids, the business, and I think I patted myself on the back for taking care of them, for putting them first.  But the time had come to face facts.  Ozzie’s ability to get around got the best of him the other day, and I’m sad to say that he is no longer with me.  I hope I can find my way without him…02-12-19snowy2

 

connections, coping, courage, family, friends, home, life goes on, memories, neighbors, road trip

And then it hits you…

While you’ve been concentrating on all the people you love, the ones that you are heading north to see, there are people here that you love and are leaving behind.  There will be heartfelt goodbyes to say here.  Neighbors who I’ve been blessed to know, and who have helped me feel secure in this first ever time of my life in which I’ve lived alone.  But not as alone as I might have felt if not for them.  And my photography friends, I will see their adventures in photography online, and look forward to being out shooting with them again before too long.  And then there are my coworkers, who were my sounding board as I went through this biggest challenge of my life.  I thought of myself as alone these past four years, but I see now that I haven’t really been alone at all.

I sent a note to a friend’s mother to apologize after sneaking away without saying goodbye.  I told her how much I have always hated saying goodbye.  She sent back a note and said that in her family they say Auf Weidersehen, ‘until we meet again’.   Yes, that’s it exactly, it’s only goodbye for now, until we meet again.

12-8lizardbomb
These flowers were over a week old and still looked great so I took their picture.  It was only then that I saw the lizard photo bomb.
12-8campfire
Winter camping in Florida is just what I needed last night…
coping, faith, finding my way, home, life, life goes on, photography, road trip

Oh where is my hairbrush…

Not a question but a song.  A song that I had found myself singing several days in a row as I searched for my missing hairbrush. That it disappeared in the chaos which is my life at the moment isn’t surprising, but I found myself surprised to be singing that song at all.  It was so familiar, but I couldn’t place where it was from. But after I thought about it for a bit I realized, Veggie Tales!  And now I sing it frequently, substituting the name of the missing item du jour.  And something is always missing.  Eventually the last puzzle piece will fall into place, and I’d be willing to bet that I won’t realize it for a second.  That that was it, it’s time to go.  Lately I find myself wishing for life to get back to normal.  I wonder how long it will take me to recognize my new normal, whatever that turns out to be…