I think I now understand the appeal of Serius Radio. I have spent a lot of time driving in the last week, a lot, and it seems like I’m driving the radio as much as I’m driving the car. Looking for a station, or a song at least, that I can enjoy. And I usually find one before too long, but if I’m lucky I hear a song or even two before I lose the station and I hear more static than anything else. All of which I offer in explanation of how I became involved with Bob along the way. Bob was a breath of fresh air, upbeat and funny, is it any wonder I fell for him? We had a brief relationship, but like most good things it ran it’s course and was over. But if you find yourself traveling near Fayetteville, NC, look up Bob. You can find him at 96.5 FM. ” Bob FM, it’s the same forwards and backwards, or vice versa”. You’ll be glad you did.
I have a friend who has lots to say on the subject of UFOs and aliens. He asked if I believed in them, and while I couldn’t say that I do think they are ‘real’, I certainly wouldn’t stake my life on them not being real. They are among the many things that I haven’t given a lot of thought to, or any thought to at all. Even after he brought it up I spent no time pondering the possibilities.
But I have moved on from the person I’ve been since Charley died, the one who was home every night, happily I might add, feeling snug, and safe, and proud of herself for making it through another day. No, I’ve turned into a person who is looking at the world a little differently, able to admit that maybe there could be more to life, but not willing to bet any money that anything will change. It’s made me see things differently. And finding yourself single as you hang onto the last vestiges of your 60s is a lot like you have been dropped here from a UFO and are expected to make heads or tails out of this society. One which bears no resemblance to what the world was like the last time I was single. To me the ‘rules’ of behavior are still the same rules that I grew up with all those years ago. But if TV is to be believed it’s a whole new world out there and I am totally not ready for it. I don’t know the rules, or maybe the biggest rule is that there aren’t any rules. I am as unprepared for a social life now that I’m old as I was when I was 18.
I was looking for something to watch on Netflix, and saw a show called “Love”, and thought it would be harmless, kind of like the Hallmark Channel, or the easy listening channel on the radio. Boy, was I wrong. But I was looking at Netflix because I’m tired of the Hallmark Channel and it’s sappy, happily-ever-after stories. That’s not real life. But this is real life, and maybe I’m already living the only happily ever after that I’m going to get. Would that be so bad? No, not really…
Duxbury Beach in Massachusetts features prominently in my fond memories of home. Maybe it was that we used to stay at my uncle’s cottage, the last one on the seawall that defined the private beach from the public beach. That it was rocky, especially after a storm, was a plus. You could put your blanket out on the sand and scout out a few rocks to anchor down the corners. My husband had heard me rave about it long before he ever saw it, and when I took him there it was after a storm and it was particularly rocky, and from the look in his eye I’m pretty sure he doubted my sanity after that. Since then I have been to lovely beaches with expanses of sugar sand as far as the eye can see, but I will never feel about them the way I feel about Duxbury. Which is why I told Charley that I wanted my ashes scattered at Duxbury when the time came. My daughter heard that and said that I should be informing her of my wishes, and, as usual, she was right. If I was ever going to change my mind about that then visiting a cemetery like this one is why I’ll let the decision stand. Stones sinking into the ground, names and dates barely readable, and no one to care or remember. Sadly, there was more than one ‘unknown’ marker. A person, a life. Someone’s child, possibly someone’s parent, gone except for that sad marker. After being home alone for so long I’m finding that part of me now wants to get out, hit the road, go everywhere, see everything. But I tell myself I’m too old, I can’t do it alone. Maybe so, maybe not. But I like the idea that one day my ashes might ride the wind and the water, and travel farther than my dreams can take me now. I’ll return to Duxbury one day…
Who would have imagined that a random stop at Best Buy would be a life changing event? It was late December of 2016, I was just at loose ends and wandering, shopping, and there it was, a nice DSLR camera that came with two lenses, and for less money than I ever would have thought. There was no research on my part, no investigating of different brands or camera models, all of which would have been lost on me, and truth be told, still would. No, it was a Canon, and I’d had a Canon 35mm camera before and loved it. And a nice salesman my age, which for some reason made me feel more like I’d be able to figure the thing out. Within a month the Sandhill cranes that frequented the lake out back laid some eggs, and that gave me a built in reason to sit out back with the camera with the nice new zoom lens and see what I could see. And as much as my iPhone was and is a great camera, it wasn’t going to be enough once the cranes were on the scene.
The rest is history. Local classes that had me attempting to learn to use the camera settings, and then came the infamous class on’ how to start a blog’, which I had never once given a thought to ahead of time. I had become totally obsessed with the little crane family, watching the ‘colts’ grow, and the class on how to start a blog got a framework set up in the computer. And wanting to tell their story got me writing. I did wonder what I’d talk about after they had left the nest, which was almost enough to stop me from ever starting in the first place. But I figured I’d worry about that later, besides, I thought, it’s not like anyone was going to read it anyhow.
All this is in anticipation of the one year anniversary of the first post. I am well aware that I haven’t thanked the very nice people who have chosen to follow this blog, and who have encouraged me along the way. I usually can’t remember what I posted a day or two ago because I’m onto the next photo op and wondering how I will turn it into a post. And I’ve met such nice people online, and also in person through photography. Yes, it’s been life changing. Possibly life saving…
So, better late than never let me thank you now. All of you. It’s nice to have someone to talk to…
“I went to a garden party to reminisce with my old friends,
A chance to share old memories and play our songs again.
When I got to the garden party they all knew my name,
No one recognized me I didn’t look the same.”
“But it’s all right now,
I learned my lesson well.
You see you can’t please everyone,
So you got to please yourself.”
Maybe Ricky Nelson knew what he wanted out of life, how to please himself, but I’m not as lucky. I have no idea what I want the rest of my life to look like so I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope it comes to me one of these days.
I took these pictures at the little local botanical garden this morning. I was in search of butterflies but the sprinklers were on in the butterfly garden and I guess that kept them away. But these structures caught my eye, and ‘garden party’ started playing in my head, and then I started thinking, about life and it’s twists and turns. Maybe ‘blowing in the wind’ would have been a more appropriate song for my current state of mind…What’s the phrase these days, ‘fake it ’til you make it’…
Well, the sun did come up. The cranes came out. New visitors sat out on the post on the lake. Ozzie is moping, but I’m glad he saw, and thoroughly sniffed, Zoe before she left us, because he doesn’t seem to be looking for her. Zoe raised him, really she did. Easiest dog to train ever since he’d follow her around and try, not always successfully, to pee wherever she did. He’s just subdued, he usually makes a total pest out of himself and now he is keeping a low profile. I don’t know if I’m complaining about that or not.