blessings, connections, coping, courage, death, eavesdropping, grief, healing, life, moments, strangers

Dilly dilly…

I took myself out for a quesadilla burger last night.  I’d been thinking about them for a week or two, and since burgers are the Monday special at Appleby’s, and I had stayed home and cleaned the house most of the day, and all the pots, pans, dishes, and silverware are at the mobile, it seemed like the thing to do.

The parking lot was quite full, so I hoped there would be a seat available at the bar, and there was.  It was empty actually, I was surprised.  And as I sat there enjoying my burger a mother and daughter came in and sat a little bit away from me at the bar.  I couldn’t help but hear their conversation and it became obvious that the daughter was there to support the mother who had just lost her husband.  It was a brand new situation for them, should she ‘have something’ here, or was it okay to just do it ‘back home’ was a topic.  The Mom and Dad had apparently frequented Appleby’s.  Mom said that if her Michael had seen that they had ordered breadsticks with Alfredo sauce he’d have shaken his head.  She told the bartender that she didn’t know if she could bring herself to come there without him, but she decided that she could do it while her daughter was with her this first time.  I related to them so much, to the two or three days that my son stayed with me in the aftermath of Charley’s death, until I kicked him out, sort of.  I felt connected to them, though they had no clue and we hadn’t spoken a word to each other.

And then it was time to leave.  I had switched to a bigger purse because I’m carrying more with me back and forth, and I love that purse but I can never find anything in it. Like my wallet, but it simply wasn’t there.  This had never happened to me before and I wondered why I wasn’t in a total panic, but I wasn’t, and I quietly (I thought) told the young gal who was bartending that I was embarrassed, and asked if I could give her a check.  She said no, it’s fine, just stop by another time and take care of it.  As I asked for the check I heard the mother say, “We’ll take care of it.”  I looked over and she was in tears.  She thanked me.  She said that her husband would have loved this, it was perfect, it was just the thing he loved to do.  And while this wasn’t my finest moment I felt so calm as I saw what this moment was for her.  I thanked them, hugged them, and told them that my son and I had spent this same time together four years ago.  And Mom thanked me again, said her husband would be so pleased with this, and asked that the next time I go out and have a drink, to please raise my glass to Michael and say, “Dilly dilly.”  And I will…

adventure, blessings, finding my way, friends, healing, life goes on, photography

Thankfulness…

My coworkers made me cry yesterday.  In a good way.  They gave me a lovely bouquet of flowers, and a card, and the sentiments written inside were what really did me in.  It’s for my re-retirement, something I thought I did in 2008.  But there was too much time to kill and that led me to the bakery, where I found people whom I’ll keep in my life forever.  They constitute my newest friends, but that doesn’t diminish the impact they have had on my life as they were there for me for the biggest challenge I’ve ever had.  Their friendship made that process a lot easier.  And it was a process, which has led me to be on the brink of a new adventure, back to the people and places of my youth.  I’m thankful for my friends, new friends and old friends,  I love you all!11-22retirement.jpg

a second look, connections, friends, grief, healing, home, life, loneliness, memories, photography, road trip, travel

Making assumptions…

Rocks are dependable.  They are solid, strong, unbreakable.  They don’t surprise you, or disappoint you, they are just there.  There are lots of people who might be described by using those same words.  But in the case of this particular rock, and many people, we are just looking at the surface and making assumptions about the core.  Were I to drop this particular rock it would fracture into pieces, a lot like I was feeling I might do not too long ago.  Careful hands have reassembled this rock, and in much the same way I am somehow feeling pieced back together after my visit home.  We are both still fragile, but then aren’t we all?

connections, family, friends, fun, healing, kids, life, life goes on, loneliness, moments, photography, sunrise

Leaving…

As I was leaving Bayport this morning a song came into my head, for obvious reasons.  “My bags are packed, I’m ready to go,” and when I got home I looked up the song to see how appropriate it actually was to my current situation.  And it isn’t appropriate since there is no jet plane involved, and no one to kiss goodbye.  The kissing part will come when I get there.  And feeling sad over leaving?  That will come when I get back on the road to come home.  In between there are lots of faces I want to see.  People I want to kiss.  And hugs, lots of hugs.  I think I miss hugs the most…6-12sunriseview