coping, courage, death, faith, family, finding my way, friends, grief, healing, life, life goes on, loneliness, marriage, memories, perseverance, photography, sunrise

Time…

It was a gloomy morning, which matched my gloomy mood.  Today we were saying goodbye to yet another friend.  Yet again I would see a dear friend taking her first steps down the slippery slope of widowhood.  I’m five years in at this point, and I now know just how long this process is, this adjusting to life on your own.  At first I found myself astounded that a week had passed, then two weeks, and then a month.  Time, it seemed was relentless.  Impossible as it seemed the days kept passing, and it all became a blur.  Something I recently heard on TV struck me, it made me look online for a quote so I could repeat it correctly.

 

Time is free, but it’s priceless.

You can’t own it, but you can use it.

You can spend it, but you can’t keep it.

Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.

by Harvey MacKay

A silly poem from a friend warmed my heart and brightened this gloomy day for me.  I hope everyone takes time to let the people they care about know that they are loved.  Don’t waste your time, it’s precious…

connections, courage, death, faith, family, finding my way, friends, grief, growing old, home, life, life goes on, loneliness, making memories, perseverance, photography

Traveling…

I didn’t drive for 11 days straight.  That has to be a record for me.  For 11 days I was surrounded, literally, by family, and friends close enough to be family.  I was hardly ever alone, and for the last few years I have been telling myself that being alone is just the greatest thing.  No witnesses is what I told myself was the best part, for my own silliness. And for the most part that’s still true.  But it’s so quiet in here now that the coffee pot has finished its morning duties.  The traffic noises haven’t begun.  It’s too quiet.  Turning on the TV might provide noise, if noise is all I wanted to hear.  This has been my home for a year now, but I’ve been traveling for half that time at least.  And now I’m here, surrounded by all my things.  Sentimental reminders of other times, of the people I have cared about my whole life.  But sitting in the dark and quiet I realize that I can’t hear the sound of breathing.  Of life.  That’s the sound that’s missing…

'scene' along the way, a second look, coping, finding my way, friends, life goes on, live and learn, loneliness, making memories, nature, perseverance, photography, safety Harbor, sunrise

Time and place…

I see photos of Safety Harbor sunrises nearly every morning.  There are photographer friends who live in the area and this is the scene that greets them every morning.  And they are universally lovely scenes, day after day.  So when a photo op in safety Harbor presented itself I thought it was a no brainer to leave early and catch the sunrise.  It was not the spectacular sunrise I’d hoped for, but it was nice to be out.  And soon I’ll have to leave an hour earlier for sunrises if I want to see them, we’ll fall back soon.  When I was young I thought that someday when I was old time would pass more slowly.  I’d be less busy.  And now I am old and less busy, at least my busyness is self inflicted, but I can still only do one thing at a time.  And as much as I wish I could be in two places at once I can’t manage that either.   My ex-husband once told me I’d never be satisfied.  I don’t know if it was an observation or a curse, but he may have been right…

10-26safetyharborsunrise510-26safetyharborsunrise410-26safetyharborsunrise310-26safetyharborsunrise210-26safetyharborsunrise1

'scene' along the way, a second look, adventure, connections, coping, death, grief, growing old, loneliness, marriage, memories, nature, on closer examination, perseverance, photography, road trip, sunset

Bob…

His SUV was pulled over at a scenic overlook on Skyline Drive.  The back hatch was open and he was sitting in one of the two chairs he had placed just outside, angled toward the view.  His old=fashioned boom box was playing lovely, soft music, and I thought he was reading, but it turned out he was writing in a journal.  I had also pulled over at the overlook and got out of my car with my camera in my hands.  “You look comfortable,” I said.  “It’s our 50th anniversary,” he said, and I looked  but I didn’t see another person.  “We liked to come here”, he said, and he gestured to the empty chair and said, “She’s right there.”

She had died 7 months before, it was a blessing, he said.  He said that he didn’t want to brag, but his wife was very talented.  She baked and sewed, and she taught him to do those things too.  He said that he has her sewing machine and he is finishing all her projects for her.  They never let the sun set on an argument, he was proud of that.  He said he would always apologize and she would always say that it was okay, and then she would always let it go.  And they had had 10 children, it took him a while to mention that.  He showed me their wedding picture. They were so young.  And I thought of all that still lay ahead of them that day.  He said that he was writing it all down, their whole story, from the day that they met.  He was teary-eyed as he said these things, but he said that he knew that I would understand, and I did.

Skyline Drive was on my agenda from the day I left Florida in the first place.  I wanted to see color, but this color wasn’t the colorful trip that I intended.  I was going to try to be there for the fall scenery and I came close.  And I had just complained about the twists and turns of the roads in PA, and there I was purposely choosing to travel on a 100+ mile road of nothing but twists, and turns, and mountains.  But I was glad I was there today.  It was the perfect day to be there, because it was the day I met Bob…

'scene' along the way, a second look, boats, finding my way, Just do it, leap of faith, life, life goes on, loneliness, memories, old dogs new tricks, perseverance, photography, road trip, travel

Colorful Cape Cod…

Still more photos from an oddly not sad day, but it easily could have been.  I’m approaching the five year mark of widowhood and almost nothing about my life is the same these days.  I have turned my life totally upside-down.  Not something I planned to do, just a need that overtook me as I took the days one at a time.  Life is good.redcanoesPeekingthruLRpaddlersPtpwn3Ptpwn2Ptownwharf3sailboatwall

a second look, family, finding my way, friends, life goes on, loneliness, memories, perseverance, photography, simple things

Rock-a-bye…

I don’t remember how it is that I came to have this little rocking loveseat.  I mean I always loved it, but it sat in my father’s den when I was a kid.  It was a little out of the way, and I can’t say that I ever sat in it much, but I loved it.  The small size just fit, and it rocked, I loved that.  When my mother was downsizing after my father died I vaguely remember that we borrowed a truck and Charley helped me get a few of my mother’s treasures and bring them home to Maryland with us, and this was one of them.  It’s completely threadbare now, which is why those throws are covering it.  Not only threadbare, but whatever foam was padding this chair has long since disintegrated.  That is probably due to my daughter’s kids.  By the time it had migrated to her house it was already over 30 years old, and the wear and tear the my two oldest grandchildren put on it took a toll.  But that was probably the first time that little chair felt loved.  I remember that my daughter used to lay infant Kara on it, and Kevin would rock her gently to sleep.  When they moved I reclaimed it, and I’ve had it ever since.  It lived in my little upstairs den a few years later.  Kevin looked around that room, he was sitting on the loveseat at the time, and he told me that it was a very nice room.  I don’t know if I ever was so touched to get a compliment as I was to get that one.  Maybe it’s that it’s small.  That may be what appealed to me about it when I was a kid also.  The room would look better with a bigger chair there, it would look more balanced.  But sitting in it now feels like a hug from an old friend, and I love old friends…