connections, family, friends, fun, healing, kids, life, life goes on, loneliness, moments, photography, sunrise

Leaving…

As I was leaving Bayport this morning a song came into my head, for obvious reasons.  “My bags are packed, I’m ready to go,” and when I got home I looked up the song to see how appropriate it actually was to my current situation.  And it isn’t appropriate since there is no jet plane involved, and no one to kiss goodbye.  The kissing part will come when I get there.  And feeling sad over leaving?  That will come when I get back on the road to come home.  In between there are lots of faces I want to see.  People I want to kiss.  And hugs, lots of hugs.  I think I miss hugs the most…6-12sunriseview

connections, coping, courage, faith, finding my way, friends, gardens, go with the flow, growing old, life goes on, loneliness, perseverance, photography

I went to a garden party…

“I went to a garden party to reminisce with my old friends,
A chance to share old memories and play our songs again.
When I got to the garden party they all knew my name,
No one recognized me I didn’t look the same.”

“But it’s all right now,
I learned my lesson well.
You see you can’t please everyone,
So you got to please yourself.”

Maybe Ricky Nelson knew what he wanted out of life, how to please himself, but I’m not as lucky.  I have no idea what I want the rest of my life to look like so I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope it comes to me one of these days.

I took these pictures at the little local botanical garden this morning.  I was in search of butterflies but the sprinklers were on in the butterfly garden and I guess that kept them away.  But these structures caught my eye, and ‘garden party’ started playing in my head, and then I started thinking, about life and it’s twists and turns.  Maybe ‘blowing in the wind’ would have been a more appropriate song for my current state of mind…5-10HDRshed25-10HDRshed-35-17castle5-17iris5-17tilebench5-17tilerug5-17whiteflowers5-17budda5-17peekabooWhat’s the phrase these days, ‘fake it ’til you make it’…

connections, coping, finding my way, growing old, home, life, life goes on, loneliness, memories, moments, photography, sunrise

Just listen…

“Just listen,” I said for the umpteenth time.  It was so frustrating that my mother was so dismissive of the music I was loving at the time.  Roughly age 15 or so.  It was Simon and Garfunkel for heaven’s sake, beautiful music, and elegant words.  How could she not listen and be moved?  It made me so mad.

And of course I didn’t think it was the same thing at all when I was in the car with my son when he was about that same age, and on the radio came the latest trend in ‘music’, a rap song.  There was nothing elegant in those lyrics, or if there was I couldn’t get past the un-elegant parts to hear it.  I would snap my fingers, pretending to be snapping to the beat, which there wasn’t any that I could hear.  I was sure rap would be a flash in the pan. 

Will that rap music be something he looks back on eventually and feel that it was written just for him, as I am doing now with Simon and Garfunkel?   I found something in their music that spoke to me back then, and, if anything, it speaks to me more now, decades later.  “How terribly strange to be seventy”, they said.  Yes, it is, and I’m not quite there yet so I’m having my moment over it in advance.  It’s a cliche isn’t it, old people’s minds going back, living in the past?  Hanging onto their memories?  Is that what’s happening to me?  Am I Slip-Sliding Away?

https://youtu.be/CeqPTb0DwGw

coping, death, dogs, life goes on, loneliness, on closer examination, photography

Spinning my wheels…

For a very long time after Charley died I didn’t walk the dogs at all.  I was fearful that I wouldn’t be able to control them if they got upset over anything, and I thought that the net result would be that I would wind up getting hurt.  Neither dog is aggressive so I didn’t fear for anyone else, I just wondered what I’d do if I fell and broke my arm.  But as time has gone on I don’t think as much in terms of the alone-ness, I suppose it’s not the novelty it once was.  So I walk them now, once or twice a day, and I take for granted that they will behave.  We pass this yard on our route every day, and even after I posted a picture of the azaleas I have continued to take pictures because it amazes me every time I pass by.  This one (above) was taken last Friday and I think they were just about at their peak.  Now I see patches of only green where once the light pink flowers were.  I hate to see them go for another year, a reminder of time passing.

3-8whatsthat

Zoe tried to bring this home with her on our walk this morning…

3-8Ozzie

Taking off the closet doors so Ozzie could get under the desk more easily hasn’t done a thing for my leg room…

3-8bayport3-8libraryWhen I’m out with the camera I usually take a few shots with my iPhone also, but I don’t always remember to look at them.  Sometimes they are the best shots of all.

3-8salt

I was completely out of salt the other day, and it hit me that buying salt is one of those milestones that you could measure time by.  How many boxes of salt does a person buy in a lifetime?  I can’t remember the last time I bought some, I’m pretty sure I moved the same box of salt with me a few times.  Thinking about that brought to mind something a friend once told Charley.   He said, “Someday you’ll have a dog that outlives you.”  That thought stopped me in my tracks, even though I didn’t think for a minute that Zoe would be that dog.  For that reason I know that these are my last two dogs, and I’m assuming that I will outlive them.  But is this my last box of salt?

 

 

Bayport, coping, loneliness, nature, photography, Pine Island, sunset

Undecided…

I had to force myself out for the sunset.  I had a busy couple of days ahead and wanted to be prepared with photos just in case, but I wasn’t going out with my usual enthusiasm.  I went to Pine Island, but I just wasn’t feeling it.  It wasn’t pretty in person, and there was a large group of people settled in for the sunset in the area where I usually stand to take photos.  And that really was the problem, that after being so enthused with Pine Island sunsets for quite a while I wasn’t expecting to get anything different from all the other sunset photos I’ve taken there.  Which is why I took the photo above and the one just below, of the beach to the left, not really aimed at the sunset.  The gulls were in the air and the Laughing Gulls were laughing, calling my attention to that side of the beach.  And when I got home I was surprised that I liked the images that I had gotten.  I thought I had been wasting my time and I was discouraged, so I headed next door to Bayport.

sunset4sunset3sunset2sunset1At Bayport you have a choice.  You can be out in the park area with just the setting sun to focus on, or you can park in the other lot and peek at the sunset through the palms.  For some reason I felt more like peeking.  Just me and the camera…