There’s a lizard in the house! Charley wasn’t Mr. Fix-it by any means, but if I screamed that there was a lizard in the house he would leap into action, not to rescue me, but to rescue the lizard from what he thought I was going to do to it. “Don’t kill it!”, he’d yell. Every time. Made me mad because while I would swat a gnat or mosquito, and I’d spray a Palmetto bug with bug spray in a heartbeat, there was no way I would kill a lizard. I’d be far more likely to stand on a chair squealing until the lizard had been relocated outside.
Just ask Michael. One day I answered a knock on the front door and discovered a contingent of neighborhood kids at the door. The ringleader announced, “Michael has our lizard!” Now Michael had earlier asked me for a plastic container with holes in the lid, ostensibly for a caterpillar. Actually he said ‘calapidder’, at 4 years old it was one of his last fractured words. He’d gone off with the container, which I had forgotten all about, but upon hearing about the lizard I had a new understanding of his recent return home. He came in, slammed the door, and dashed straight upstairs without saying a word. Hmmm. So I marched upstairs, knocked on his door, and said, “The kids say you have their lizard.” His face fell, and he walked to his closet and opened the door, and in my mind’s eye I saw the plastic container on the floor of the closet. But the reality was that there was only one thing on the closet floor, and that was a bare, naked lizard. So I did what any good mother would do, I screamed and jumped on the bed. That startled Michael as much as the lizard had startled me, so he scooped it up and I don’t even know where he went with it, all I knew was he saved me.
Even Zoe, who hunts lizards outside, hasn’t ever seemed interested in catching one inside. Or notice it’s there in the first place. So the teeny tiny little lizard I spotted this morning has disappeared, magically, sort of how it showed up in the first place. Which is fine by me. It would be kinder to hunt it down and relocate it outside, because you know I’ll most likely find a teeny tiny little body after rigor mortis sets in. Even then I’ll leave it for a day or two before I remove it. Just in case…